Hey, I'm Lauren! In my blog you will hear what I'm thinking about, what I'm feeling, or what I want to think or feel. But in this section, I want you all to know who I REALLY am.

My life--as of a few years ago--has been incredible. I have wanted to live each day to the fullest, but not for myself. For the glory of my Redeemer.

Faking it--If you know me and I have not expressed the love I have for my Lord, I believe that I was either faking or unconverted. What I mean by faking is that I was not showing you myself. And what I mean by myself is Christ. That sounds strange, but what I mean is that He is all that I am. My identity. My purpose and meaning. My joy. And if I know you (and more specifically, you all that I have known for quite a few years) and have not talked to you about God, I know that I was faking. Faking out of pride. Oh how I hate my pride... with intensity!

It grieves me to think of how I could have glorified my Maker. The past is something to repent of, but the present is something to act apon. I want to rebuild my relationships with solid foundations. I do know that there is a time to have a good time and be fun, but the thing I want for my friendships is to be Christ centered. To have friends that I can tell "I'm really struggling with ____, can you pray for me about it?" or even "I love you, and am thinking of you as not just my friend, but sister in Christ, but you seem to..."

Praise be to God that I do have some of those relationships. I do not want empty friendships. So I pray that all of you, converted or unconverted, will have heard from me the gospel.

My conversion story-- When I was about six, "I asked God into my heart" (that phrase makes me quite uneasy, ask me about it, if you're curious). I, a six year old was following in my older sister's footsteps and was scared of the prospects of hell. I had NO idea what was going on. I didn't care about God's  glory. I didn't care about repentance. I certainly did not care about denying myself daily, and taking up my cross. So there I was, 6, and completely unsaved. My thought was, all the way up until I was 12, that I was saved. But I was living in rebellion. Not the kind of rebellion you picture. Not running through the streets with tattoos, cussing. However, it was still rebellion. I did not want to follow my parents rules at all and even when I did, disrespect was in my heart. I wanted all the things related to the world. Now if you asked me then if I loved God, I would answer a quick yes. For after all, I said some words, and to top it all off, I'm a pastor's daughter! Of course I love Jesus! My words would not have agreed with my heart. So, that's how I was.

About March 2008 was when my world was rocked. I played on a home school basketball team and every year there was a national tournament in Oklahoma City. We had an assistant coach on my basketball team named Mindy. Now every night of the tournament Mindy would give a devotional, but one night was unlike the others. It wasn't a bunch of magic words, it wasn't delivery style, but simply the words "relationship with God". It hit me like a punch in the stomach. I knew immediately I absolutely did not, whatsoever have that. Afterwards I talked to her about it and asked her to pray for me that I would have a relationship with Christ. That whole night I couldn't sleep. All I could do was pray. 

A day or so later we had another devotional. It was one devoted to repentance. Most of it was prayer...away from everyone else. (If you want to hear a really good definition of repentance, I put up a quote from John Calvin on my blog section) It was insane. My life was His. Anything He wanted He could have. 

Ever since then, sanctification has been great, but extremely tough. My God is so good! He saved me from His wrath. I cannot ever tell you why, for I do not have the faintest idea. He is sovereign, so I know it was best. But I am astounded every day at His grace and mercy poured out towards me. Now His glory is my passion and His renown is my desire. I still war my flesh daily (or more realistically, hour by hour). It is an all out battle. But I have a goal, and that is the glory of my Redeemer.

 I am now justified. Praise be to His wonderful name!